Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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