i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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