"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize