I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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