Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
