i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
