erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
