If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
