two words...techno handjob
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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