sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
