Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
