can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
