Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
birth control should be required to get into college
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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