Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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