I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
