so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
