One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
