Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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