I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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