I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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