it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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