No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
