There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
3 2 1 whiskey
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
