i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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