every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
