I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize