a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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