I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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