Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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