I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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