Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
