you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
