2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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