I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
