pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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