Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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