you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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