oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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