I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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