how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
