just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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