My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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