i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"