im about as happy as oj after his trial
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...