went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
sarcasm needs its own font
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
