I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
