Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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