Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
