All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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