4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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