Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
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Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in