I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf