for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical