My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am