By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's Friday. Sex?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!