just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.