Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
