He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
